I am diving in with all that i have and trying not to waste any oppurtunity or time, because i want to make an impact while i am here. I know God wanted me here NOW for reasons i am seeing unfolding as i am here. and it is the most amazing thing to feel useful for Him and that i am being used by Him. But it is also very hard for me because i am the kind of person who feels that no matter what i do, it is never enough and it could be better. and rather than allowing myself to trust God for the results, i get beat down with thinking i am not doing enough or what is "perfect". So that is sometimes hard for me. But i guess if there is one lesson i can learn from the disciples/apostles, it is that Jesus uses much-less than perfect people to accomplish great things for Himself. And i can be encouraged that even as i am imperfect and inadequate, the working and moving of His Spirit through my obedience will yield whatever it is He wants to accomplish, whether it be "much" or "little" ( of course that measurement being from my limited perspective).
I am very encouraged because people have told me that they are so amazed just how involved i am and how much i have really penetrated so many different areas of ministry in my short time here so far. That i am just "all over the place". I prasie the Lord because He has put an urgency and a love and passion in my heart, that if i were to deny it, or not act on it, i think i might go crazy. I already go crazy feeling that i am not doing enough with the fire i feel inside. And i feel so much like there is so much more i could do, or should do, or different ways i should do things--"am i being truly effective Lord?" is a question i often ask myself. I want people to see Him in me completely. But HOW do i do that? What is the best way!? How can i make sure that everything i do is what is best for the good of those around me so they can see Jesus in me? So that the light would be greater than the darkness, because really, that is what it takes for someone to come to believe in God, the light of Him has to be greater than the Dark of this world.
And it is so hard, because really the world does not seem so "dark" here. The people i am around live quite contented lives. Sure they have their problems--the same as most people my age have and deal with--with or without God. Some of them already deal with things in what i would consider a morally upright way and have wonderful attitudes and priorities. The only thing they lack is love for God as they act under these moral principles they seem to live by. And so i have found myself asking, why does God care so much that we love Him while we act in accordance to the kinds of "moral standards" or virtuous qualities He has directed us to walk in as Christians? What makes the difference between a good person and a saved person? And why is it that in Old Testament times, the righteousness of Gentiles was accepted and made them righteous but the righteous deeds of people now, does not give them a righteousness that saves? In Romans 3 i have been reading over the verses about those who were without the Law were not to judged according to it and that those who did what was in the Law without knowing the actual Law were credited with righteousness. Why does this no longer apply? I believe it may have something to do with the Holy Sprirt who is able to bring God's presence into every person's life. That the Law was meant to show exclusivity by it's very nature and the inaccessibility Man has to God through external actions while the Grace of God by Christ's sacrifice is by it's nature, all-inclusive and provides all with equal access to God despite time, place and situation. That is why the New Testament talks about the salvation we have in Christ as what they hoped for in the Old Testament and what all the prophets and the Law pointed towards. So the non-believer may be living a life that is "righteous" externally, which would have been good enough for the Law, but Christ came and said that it was more than just external actions that were required, but that the very nature of man, out of which actions flow, must be righteous and blameless. No one can claim to be 100 % perfect. And no one can claim that in all of their "righteous actions" even, they were of the right heart in doing them 100 % of the time. Even those who were livign by the Law failed it's requirements because the Nature of Man was still wicked and sinful. There needed to be a process of reconciliation which made it possible to change the very nature of Man and give Man victory over that which kept him from a right relationship with God. And that way was not to be found in the Law, but through Christ who gives us His righteousness for our own, makes us dead to the old sin that used to rule in our lives and free to live righteously down to our core,and not just outward actions. 1 Corinthians talks about all the wonderful things a man can do and still gain nothing without love....i read that verse a little differently as i thought of this.....and man can do wonderful things, because God is good and we are created in His image, though we are prone to wickedness. All the good people are "good", but all the good things you can do, if not done out of LOVE FOR GOD, gets you nowhere. They are not acceptable offerings....i am thinking just like in the old days when God didn't accept the sacrifices of people because their hearts were not repentant. Or Cain and Abel, jeez! All the way back then! Yeah, his offering was "good" but his offering was still unacceptable because of the heart out of which he gave. And like with offering..... God wants to be a part of the good work we do, the reason for the good work we do, and the one glorified through the good work we do. And He deserves to be so--if i go on the given that He is who He says He is in His Word.
I am not sure if i actaully just answered any of my original questions or if i just made more of them for myself. LOL. So i will definitely need to continue to think on these things and get into the Word even more.
PS. I may be able to go skydiving while i am here! :)
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