Upon Return

Wow, so you know how when a girl or guy gets their first boyfriend or girlfriend and everything they say is begun with the lines, “well, so-and-so says……” or “so-and-so told me”, or “so-and-so did…..”  And every time they open their mouths it is like they have to make some sort of reference or recognition of their “significant other” and that significant other has the insight the rest of the world is dying to hear?  LOL.  Well, that is kind of how I feel like I have been since coming home from Poland…..only, my “significant other” is Poland.  J  It is quite funny really, and I only made this fascinating and rather strange (even for my standards) analogy just recently.  It seems like everything I draw some sort of connection or relation to my time in Poland and …yes, I feel it must be voiced!  LOL.

First, let me apologize for taking so long to finally get to this stage of finishing up my blog for this missions trip to Poland.  I mean…..it seemed like from the moment I touched down and saw a WATER FOUNTAIN—with unlimited, free water available to the general public—I have been in a sort of dazed stupor.  Or just been surrounded by people, or doing one thing or another, or traveling around, just so much stuff, that I haven’t had the time I really wanted to get down to business with these last entries.  But I feel like it is certainly important to kind of let people know how life is upon return.  I mean, I look back, and it has been FIVE months…..FIVE MONTHS that have totally changed my life.  And the only thing I can say is, THANK YOU GOD for moving me out of my comfort zone and into a situation that was so new and so foreign (pardon the pun :P) to me. 

If we had one of those growth charts, like what I had when I was a kid, where we watched the inches we grew from year to year, except this one was for spiritual…..I swear I was a midget before and now I seem a giant!  And the GREATEST thing is…..even though right now I feel like I am a giant compared to where I was before….in the Lord, because of how limitless God is, because of the infinite nature of His being…..as I continue to grow in Him, I am still a dwarf on my “spiritual growth chart”.  There is no end in sight to the growth God wants to accomplish in me—in all of His children!  And that my friends, is why a relationship with the maker of the universe is soooooooooo incredibly awesome—because we can never reach the end, or a point when we can really say, “I’ve experienced it all.  I got it all figured out.”  As we grow, it opens us up to even more growth.  And that, is exciting and a life I look forward to diving into with all I am.  J

So as I left Poland, I knew I wanted my life to reflect this awesome work God did in me while I was there:  how He changed the way I thought about myself, about others, about my relationship to others, about the needs I see, about things, about life, about agape love.  It is so concentrated within me, all these things I feel I have learned and experienced and God has allowed to take place in my heart; concentrated like the perfume in those old perfume bottles with the diffuser-bulbs that ladies used to use back in the day.  It reminds me of those verses about being a pleasing aroma to the Lord…..and every time someone asks me about Poland, it is like a squeeze of that bulb and all this beautiful aroma is diffused and just covers the room with the praise of God for all the wonderful things He has done for me and through me.  Is that a great picture?  We as followers, being like perfume diffusers, that when people ask us about something in our life, it is like they are squeezing that bulb that just pumps the air full of His praise and just smells so sweet to all who hear and to God himself?

Since coming home, what has happened?  Have I had “Polish withdrawals”  LOL.  I have certainly missed the life I lived in Poland; a life with one focus, one aim: to share Christ’s love with people in every and any capacity the Lord gave me opportunity to do so.  Whether it was with my flatmates, teaching English to students at a public school, encouraging my brothers or sisters in the Lord, building relationships with Polish friends, playing with kids who have had it rough, serving meals to the poor, or printing church bulletins, it was all for the aim of love—“the aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart, a good conscious and a sincere faith” (1 Timothy 1:5).  This is a verse that really spoke to me and became a mission statement for me while I was in Poland.  That in everything I did, I wanted the aim to be love, and love that flowed from a place that would yield amazing fruit for God’s glory and would withstand distance and time in the end.  And that is going to continue to be a verse that moves me through life.  Because of everything I experienced in Poland, I believe the greatest thing God was teaching and growing in my heart, is love for people.  HIS love for people.  I think there is a big difference in the ways I used to relate people only a few years ago and the ways that God has worked in my heart to allow me to relate with people now. And my time in Poland was a practical application for all the things I feel God was beginning to work in me here at home the past few years before He moved me to go to Poland.  “He who has begun a good work in you will be faithful to complete it”—AMEN and hallelujah!  Not that it is yet completed, but I felt the shift from learning certain lessons and the Lord working in my heart, to God giving me the opportunity to put those things into practice and as I was putting those things into practice, Him teaching me even MORE through it!!!  And I only expect that God will continue to work in me, transforming me into the person He has made me to be—and called me to be—and a daughter who reflects Him more and more in every aspect of my life. 

Now I will be looking to God and waiting for guidance in my future.  J  I know the step He has me on right now, for this moment: finish my semester at ASU and graduate with my teaching degree.  After that…..right now there are so many options I feel a bit overwhelmed at times to be honest.  As overwhelmed as I am excited and thankful that God has given me such vision for how I want to use my life for Him.  WHICH vision to pursue though is the question!  There seems to be so many I could see myself diving into and living a life that would totally allow me to pursue God and impact others with His love and truth—and be completely enjoyable and exciting for me because of who I am.  But if there is anything that I learned about God and His way of leading through this experience in Poland, it is that God is faithful and He does provide the next step, the answer to the question, the way when there seems to be none.  And He will provide for me in this; He will give me the answer and he will show me a way….it is all about me waiting for His perfect timing in giving me these things.  J  He takes pleasure in my dependence on Him, my faith being exercised, my heart staying near to Him as I bring my thoughts to Him.  This is intimacy with God, my Father—this time that I have to rely on Him, to bring this to Him in daily prayer and conversation, to seek answers and direction from His word and in the situations and people He brings into my life. J  And why should I try to rush that, or rob Him of the joy it gives Him in being a part of life or throw away the peace and excitement it brings me when I invite Him to be a part of my life? 

As I look forward to the future and what God holds in store for me, I am just filled with joy and excitement….but I can’t let myself get  so caught up in “what’s next?” that I lose out on the here and now, because the here and now is all I can be sure about!  And the only time I have to do what I KNOW God has called me to do— Be the light, be the salt, be the love, be different.  Make a difference in the world that is around me….daily.  If I have the desire to serve God, let it be for today, and for everyday after it until my days are out!  “What is your life? You are but a vapor that appears for a short time and then vanishes”.  I do not know what each day holds, but I know who holds each day—including each one of mine.  And I can be confident that everything I do for the Lord, though it may be small or seemingly insignificant on the human level, each and every act of love for God is precious and valuable.  Everyday then should be seen as just as important as the next and what I can do now for God, just as exciting as what He holds for me in the future.    

Catching up...or at Least I am Trying To!!

Okay, so I guess if I was to try to tell you about these past few weeks that I have NOT written…..it would be like trying to collect those little monkeys and make that chain.  It would be totally possible BUT oh so very time consuming to make all of those connections once again….because to be honest….I really cant put it all in order!  LOL.  SO!  I am going to just begin with the BIG idea…..I have been saying goodbye.  Spending any and all time I can with people, which has in effect meant little sleep—even less than I was already getting!  Hahaha, BUT!  In the words of my dear friend, “you can sleep LATER!”  And she is right; right now all I want to do is relish the time and make the most of it I can while I am here with them.  I feel like the last five months of my life have been so much more than five months should realistically feel like in terms of their value for my life.  God has been so incredibly good and the people He has put in my path have blessed me so much—even if they don’t know it, or don’t even recognize Him in it.  I am pretty sure God brought me here because I needed some working on in some major areas of my life and some minor areas.  And the people He led me to here, were a huge part of that.  When God tells me to do something NOW….i hope I am always quick to remember this time of my life and the blessing that came from it.

I am thankful for adventures.  I had a great adventure the other night! I finally was able to see the “farm” Dagmara told me about so long ago that her family has!  She hosted a party with a bunch of her friends from Hebrew class and elsewhere and it was truly a great time!  She is so silly because she kept thinking I wasn’t having a good time--that I was bored because of everyone speaking Polish—but I was really having a great time just being a part of their group!  It was a special memory I will have of my last week here.  Her farm has become one of my “favorite spots” in Poland along with a not-so-typical and really not-that-wow of a place near Most Teatralny.  It is a little park where there is a swing set with my name graffitied on it!  LOL. I know that sounds bad, but it is amazing that somewhere here there is another girl named Amanda!  I think I need to come back to find her!  But I go to swing in this park because it is covered by a canopy of trees and it is just so….serene and calm and dreamy to look up into those branches and just swing.  And they also have a teeter-totter (and when I called it this NO ONE knew what I was talking about until I described it and then everyone was like, “OH!  A see-saw you mean?  Where in the heck did teeter-totter come from?” We are taking Americans, Australians and Polish people, lol.  Does anyone else besides me call it a teeter-totter????)  I had been wanting to go on this teeter-totter for some time and FINALLY!  When Daga and I were together, SHE finally made my dreams come true!  LOL….although, she thought it was quite boring I am afraid, hahaha.  It kind of is, after a while.

I have been trying to write goodbye letters and also figure out things to get for some people back home…..not an easy task.  LOL.  Writing goodbye letters for some of the people I have come to live here is like….well HOW can I ?  There are so many important things I feel like I could say, but only the little things come to mind. But all these “little” things really just made the time I had here what it was. It was a collection of little things.  I don’t think I will ever be able to write to them the collection of all the things I have felt and experienced with them and my thoughts for them.  And just the act of saying “goodbye”….hhhhhh.  It is not a fun task. I wonder what Paul would have done with Skype?  LOL.

As I am looking back over the past five months, I feel like I have for the first time really been ALIVE.  I think of that verse about whoever would find his life should lose it….and I feel like I found life while I was here in fulfilling some greater purpose than what I normally live for back home.  I mean, here it was like, about living to reflect how great God is and show His love to others and reach out to them and serve them and …. It was different than what I have experienced at home. And I think the greatest challenges to me were not what faced me HERE, but what faces me when I return home. Not to just fall back into the rhythm of everyday life back home—the one where I am a studious student and future teacher. But remain in the life that I have found here—the life of living for Jesus in everything and trying to figure out how to best serve Him and serve others and love others and build other people up and encourage and comfort and do whatever needs to be done so that people will be like, “Wow, God is good!”  I just want to make people think, you know?  Think, and feel that maybe they haven’t taken the idea of God to the real depths it  truly has.  Even if they think they already have it all figured out.  Just to make them wonder, “Okay, that IS different….”

Today at church, Richard had us repeat; “God first, others second, then self”.  I feel like that is the key to why life has been so full for me here in Poland.  Because of trying to put that into practice.  Certainlly didn’t master it while I was here, but I can tell you I feel like I can feel a change in myself since I came here and really began to put this into practice. And whereas in the beginning it was often a need to remember to do this, in some cases I have found that I can look back and see how it was just something that kind of came naturally to me to do.  J Not that I began to just naturally act selfishly and had to stop myself to do the unselfish thing, but actually just naturally did the selfless thing!  And definitely only because God is real and HE has been working in my heart.

I just had a wonderful time with my flatmates.  J  We sat around—all four of us!!!—and just talked about my time here and my experience.  It was so nice!!  They gave me this book with all these amazing pictures of Poland and places to visit and inside they wrote: “May this album be a reason for your return, and visit more interesting places in our beautiful country.”  It was so sweet.  And I gave them each my card for them. We had some icecream and cherries.  Which I just found out that we have a cherry tree!!!!  But I am so sad because I will not be here when they are ripe. L  Which is the end of June.  Sadness.  One of their questions made me laugh:  “What about Polish men? How do you like them?”  Hahahaha, it was funny and I felt like I was back with my girlfriends in the states.  And they asked about foods I liked here, and favorite places, what I will miss, what things I did, what God did in my life, what I expected in Poland and what was actually true…..it was a special time to share with them. Especially Ula because we haven’t talked much since I don’t speak Polish and she doesn’t speak English.

The next few nights are going to be filled with goodbyes….*sigh*. 

This past week and weekend I was trying to spend as much time with anyone and everyone that I could.  Today Ola, Marcin and Sandra had a big exam and we all went out for pizza afterwards at my FAVORITE pizza place—we are talking better than ANYTHING I have had in the USA.  It is called DiGrasso.  I just love it. And it really is quite reasonable in price I think.  And the sauces that they come with, I likey a lot!!!

Alright, I know this does not do justice to the past few weeks….but it is VERY late.  And I really need some sleep for my very full day tomorrow.

OH!  I met some guys here from Arizona!  Crazy huh?  They all are actually from Phoenix and one went to ASU but now goes to U of A, and one is in seminary and another is in community college but interning at a church.  J  They are here for two months for a short term mission!  SO AWESOME!!!!  But they will be in Kaleesz doing ministry there. But I got to work with them for an afternoon collecting donations for Bread of Life at the university dorms. So that was nice….a sad confession….we actually all sang “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme song when we met.  Hhahahaha.  You know with Will Smith?!?!?!  I don’t remember what one of them said, but it triggered that song for me and I started to sing it and before you know it we were sitting there singing it together!!!  It was great.  Makes me chuckle to think about it.  So when they come back to the states, they are supposed to invite me to their presentation! Yay!

Alright, goodnight for reals.